Things had started out pretty good, but the last two weeks have been challenging. Even with Natalie here and having an extra set of hands I still couldn't keep the house clean, food on the table, and kids happy.
In the not so distant past I think I was a really nice, patient mom. Now I constantly feel impatient and snippity. That makes me feel guilty. Then I feel sad. I'm worried I'm failing my children miserably.
It seems that no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to keep all three happy. To hear one upset and not be able to immediately solve their problem is so frustrating and leaves me feeling guilty. This is how I sound all day, every day: "Sadie give Jax his toy back", "Jax, I know you need a bottle, just one second buddy", "Sadie have you gone potty?", "Jax don't climb up on the chair", "McKay, I'll be right there", "I know you're hungry Sadie, let me finish feeding McKay and we'll have lunch", "Sadie keep your hands to yourself, please", "Jax I know you're sleepy, I'll rock you to sleep right after I get McKay down", "No Sadie, you've already seen three shows today, no more TV", "Hold on McKay, I'll be right there", "Sadie stop touching your brother", "Oh Jax, did that hurt, let mommy finish nursing McKay and I'll hold you"....yada yada yada. By 6 o'clock I feel like my nerves are shot and I'm about to blow a fuse. And it seems like no matter how hard I try I still can't meet everyone's needs throughout the day. I feel so guilty about that. Have I mentioned that yet?
So, these are the things my prayers consist of lately:
~Please let them remember the giggles, games, and good times of their childhood and not the tears and tantrums!
~Please help them to feel my love more than my frustrations.
~Please let them learn good things when I'm unable to immediately meet one of their needs - patience, independence, resourcefulness, problem solving, and understanding.
~Please help them to know they're loved. I've heard it said that to a child love is spelled T-I-M-E. I've always tried to spend a lot of quality time with each one but I just can't these days. Hopefully they'll know how much I love them even if I can't give them my undivided attention all the time.
~Please help me to feel calm and happy and set an atmosphere of peacefulness in our home.
As I was looking through pictures tonight though I realized that my children are so loved by so many. And they know they're so loved. Not just by me but by their dad, grandmas, grandpa, uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. They are so loved and cherished. So, I'll just keep trying my best and hopefully they will feel my love and all will be well.
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2 comments:
Three things: If Sadie doesn't remember to potty on her own, she might wet her pants, not enjoy it, and remember next time. If Jax climbs up on the chair and falls down, he probably won't do it again (and at least it's not a far fall). And, teach Sadie to make her own PBJ sandwiches. I'll bet she could do it!
Dear Alicia,
First of all, you are a WONDERFUL mother, and I'm not just saying that because you're my SIL. You are really an incredible mother. It's a big job, and I know how easy it is to see "what you're doing wrong" but I know there are way more things you do right than wrong. Your children know you love them. They are sweet and adorable (even if they are normal and have normal childhood challenges.) Be patient with yourself and notice what you do right! Love you!
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