November 23, 2009

Illnesses and Motherhood

Usually I don't blog about when Sadie is sick, because it happens so often and I don't really care to remember it. However, this illness has been eye opening and a bit of an self-esteem booster for me, so I'm going to record my thoughts.

It had been three wonderful months since Sadie's last cold. That's by far the longest she's ever gone without getting sick. My little nephew Ethan just turned one. He's had three colds in his entire first year of life. Sadie, on the other hand, has had three colds in one month on many occasions. She's easily had 30 - 40 colds in her 22 months of life! When you combine that with chronic constipation, stomach aches, hemorrhoids, and teething you can see that she's been sick or uncomfortable most of her short life.

Also, when Sadie gets sick she really gets sick. She never has a low grade fever; it goes sky high. It takes days for her temperature to break, and she's up every hour during the night (literally!). When Sadie gets sick it means exhausting days of trying to comfort her and sleepless nights of rocking her. It's hard work and scary!

Looking back I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. All the mothers I know seem to really enjoy motherhood. But I kept thinking: What's so fun about having a baby that cries all the time, who is terrified of everyone, who gets up 4 or 5 times a night, and I can't take anywhere because she's either A) sick or B) going to get sick? (All while teaching seminary, by the way!). So, no wonder I didn't greatly enjoy her first year of life. Who would - being sick, sleep deprived, and lonely?

Back to present, it's been three wonderful months of enjoying my happy toddler and I finally understand what is so wonderful about motherhood! What's not great about having a cute, funny, little replica of one's self that you can dress up and take out and everyone admires? Sadie has become so enjoyable and manageable!

However, sadly, we slipped back into our old habits this past week - illness, sleeplessness, and crying. But now, I know that's not normal. Yes, it's a part of motherhood where our patience is tested and perhaps our most growth occurs, but I think I've come to realize that it's understandable and okay that I do not enjoy that. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy motherhood or that I don't love Sadie. It's just the majority of my experience with Sadie during the first year and a half of her life were of her sick; so, no wonder I was often stressed, and consequently, constantly questioning why I didn't find more joy in motherhood.

So, when I look back on the first year of Sadie's life, it may not have been all bliss and happiness; but at least I have the peace of mind to know that we were the most responsive, nurturing, and loving parents we knew how to be. Despite many peoples' good intentions, we never let Sadie's cry go unanswered or let her silently suffer if we knew there was something we could do to comfort her even if it meant our own needs were often unmet. That may not sound like much, but I'm really proud I can say that!

I survived, I'm better for it, I adore my child, my child adores me.....but I really really hope the next one is easier!

(The picture shown above is representative of the first year and a half of Sadie's life.)

November 18, 2009

Bloom Where You Are Planted

My reasons for wanting to move:
  • We need more space for when baby #2 comes along
  • Ben has almost an hour commute each way
  • My parents (aka our babysitters) live over an hour away
  • The ward we are in is crazy and I've had repeated nightmares about certain ward members kidnapping Sadie from nursery
  • I miss being close to the beaches
  • The schools up here scare me and there is NO WAY I'm sending Sadie to one of them
For some time now I have been hoping, wishing, and praying that we would move back to Seminole or Palm Harbor for the named reasons above.

However, we received devastating news last week from a lender that if we want to get out of this house we would have to do a short sale. That's not an option for us. So, therefore, I feel stuck and frustrated.

But I keep repeating in my mind a line from a YW's lesson I remember from my youth: bloom where you are planted. So, that's my new motto. I'm trying not to dwell on how life would be so lovely to live 5 minutes from Ben's office and see him everyday for lunch and have an additional two hours a day with him and be able to accept help with Sadie on Sunday from people I trust and be able to go on dates every weekend and get Sadie in a really great preschool and find a bigger home to accommodate our growing family. No! I'm not dwelling on that!

Instead I'm asking myself: What good can I do in this sad city of Hudson? What can I do to help strengthen some of the ward members that scare me, so that they won't frighten me as much? How can I help the youth in this area make better choices and encourage them to get an education? Are we making the meager amount of time we have together as a family as meaningful, memorable, and happy as possible?

I'm trying to enjoy all the open space, great parks, and good people up here (because there are a lot of good people, too). Also, we do love our home and with a little ingenuity it's plenty big enough for another person. And surely one day, when we are able to move, it will be very sad to leave. So, I'm trying my best to thrive and count my blessings; I'm accepting my fate and trying to make the best of it. Pray for my success, please!!

November 09, 2009

Video Of Us At Home

~Video of Sadie from the other night~

She was a little (lot) cranky but she's cute nonetheless. It's a long video, don't feel obligated to watch all of it!

November 06, 2009

The Rest of the Story....

Remember the dreadful day of October 7, 2009?
I'm now going to tell you the rest of the story:

11:00-11:41 - Sadie and Alicia work to clean out messy garage to surprise Ben.

11:42 - Nice neighbor lady pulls up and wants to chat.

12:06 - Alicia starts feeling light headed while talking to neighbor lady.

12:11 - Alicia finally ends conversation with nice neighbor lady.

12:11 - Alicia and Sadie walk to the house. Alicia knows she's going to never-never land.

12:12 - Alicia goes to never-never land. Sadie steps in ant pile :(

12:13 - Alicia's back from never-never land and Sadie is crying.

12:14 - A very dizzy Alicia puts a very distraught Sadie in the bathtub.

12:15 - A very guilty, crying, and feisty Alicia calls Ben at work (while she's laying on a nice cold tile floor in the bathroom) and is angry with him because, "Cleaning out the garage is a man's job and if you had been home and done it this wouldn't have happened." A very lovely Ben says, "I totally agree, I'm so sorry. Do you need me to come home?"

Alicia feels bad.

She says, "No, we'll be okay. I'll call you later. Bye."

12:16 - While laying on the floor it occurs to Alicia that maybe she's pregnant.

12:17 - Alicia peels herself off the floor and takes a pregnancy test.

12:19 - The pregnancy test is positive.

12:19 - Alicia decides she'd better lay down again! She has a thousand thoughts running through her mind!!

12:22 - Alicia and Sadie take a nice, relaxing shower and they both feel so much better. They put on their favorite pajamas even though it's the middle of the day.

12:47 - A very happy and relaxed Alicia calls Ben, "Hi Honey! How are you today?"

A still concerned and stressed Ben replies, "I'm fine but I'm really worried about you and Sadie. Do you want me to come home?"

Alicia says, "Oh no! We're doing great!!"

Alicia debates whether to tell Ben now or wait until he gets home from work. She really, really wants to wait and make it a big surprise but she's not disciplined enough, "Guess what Ben...I took a pregnancy test."

Ben waits and waits, "And....."

"....And it was positive!" says a happy Alicia.

Ben is shocked and excited.

They talk a few more minutes, both with very uplifted moods, and then they say good bye.

12:56 - Alicia tries all sorts of remedies for Sadie's feet.

Mostly Sadie just wants to be held.

So, Alicia and Sadie sit on the sofa and watch Barney all afternoon.

Sadie laughs and smiles at the show; Alicia smiles, too, as she daydreams about their new little baby.

~And that's the rest of the story!~

November 03, 2009

House Renovations

Guess what...

We're expanding our house by two feet.

The addition will take place some time in June!