The Relationship of Sadie and Jax

Sadie and Jax.

They're good little friends....most of the time.

They love to play with each other....except when they don't.

They're so cute together...just not when they attack each other.

They really love one another...I think?

Lately, Sadie and Jax have started fighting with each other.  It all began during Jax's hitting phase back around 18 months.  Sadie was patient with him for months.  But I guess she finally decided she had had enough because now she's starting to fight back. Usually they fight over a toy, Jax hits (not very hard), Sadie cries, sometimes she hits him back, and then Jax cries.

That scenario or some variation of it plays over and over again all day.  Well, that's not true.  They can play for hours together perfectly but then they get in foul moods when the fighting becomes a problem.

These are the things I tell myself as I try to calm myself before walking into their room to deal with a fight:

- At least they're playing with each other.  I'd rather than play together and occasionally fight then not play at all.
- At least they're healthy, strong, smart kids and not chronically ill and laying in a hospital bed.
- This is normal - all siblings fight.  I fought with my siblings and we're best friends now.
- They're learning conflict management.  They're going to need that in today's world.

These are my other thoughts:

- THESE TWO ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!
- Please, God, please give me patience!
- What in the world am I doing wrong?  I'm think I'm consistent, firm yet kind, we discuss what went wrong (and each person has to take ownership of what they did to contribute to the problem), we talk about what we should have done, each person has to say sorry, and the other person has to say, "I forgive you." Oh, and if the fight is about a toy, the toy gets taken away.
- WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING DIFFERENTLY???  Just stay out of it?  Be more mean?  Spank? (Which I'm against, I thought) Ignore it?  Do long timeouts? Not let them play together?  What?  I use to think fighting was in fact signs of deeper issues - not getting enough parental attention, hungry, bored, tired, etc?  Those things are triggers but they fight even when everything should be blissful.

Deep down they really do love each other.  They play together every moment of every day.  Maybe that's the problem - too much of a good thing?  I can't even keep them separate, though.  They always want to be together even when they're driving each other nuts. Jax follows Sadie around like a little lost puppy and imitates everything she does.  In return, Sadie loves to mother Jax and so enjoys the attention he gives her.  Except during the contentious times.  Those aren't so pretty and joyful.

I just want them to love each other. When they're grown and gone I want them to call each other to chat, talk to each other about problems, laugh together on holidays - genuinely enjoying each other's company, and eventually look after each other when we're gone.  Is that so much to ask for?

One thing I have discovered about kids is it's all about phases.  So, hopefully this is a phase that we'll work through and it will soon pass. Hopefully.

Here's my walk down memory lane and reminder that they do love each other.  Because they really, really, really do love each other!

Sadie stacking coins on Jax's head.  Fun game, right?

Sadie decorated Jax with stickers one day.  He loved the attention.  

Washing hands together.  I think they flooded the bathroom shortly after this pic was taken. 

  

Waiting for daddy to come home.